Must Try Harder
Thinking About the “Art’ of Retirement
I’m a little more than 4 years into my early retirement at this stage. The early bit is relevant because somewhere in the back of my head I felt that retiring 5 years early meant I could take my time settling into my post-work world and have it sorted by the time I would have retired under normal circumstances at age 65.
Needless to say, having it “sorted’ by any age I now know is a fallacy that only someone who was ploughing ahead with a fairly responsible job would think possible. Experience continues to be the great teacher, but experiential learning is time consuming and can be stressful. Precisely at a point in your life when time, measured in years, is shorter than ever, and stress is debilitating.
Critical Inner Voice
Just like everyone else I’ve always had my inner critic sharing mostly unwanted and often unhelpful critique of my every thought and deed. Sometimes that niggling inner voice would take the wind out of my sails and cause me to stall or even stop moving forward with planned activities. Suffice to say it’s no Jiminy Cricket whispering sound advice into my ear just when I needed it most. It always sounds like me at my most critical and sarcastic – something no one needs.
It frequently reminds me that the life I’m living hardly resembles the one I had imagined when I was working 50–60-hour weeks. I dreamt of a time when I would have no boss and no timetable of deadlines and targets to meet. The stress of the deadlines has gone but the sense of purpose went with them (and the bosses I wanted to get away from were in fact, with one exception, very hands off and supportive).
Due to unexpected developments early on in my retirement, the plan I had so meticulously dreamt up was largely abandoned and once things began to settle down, I found myself in a sort of purpose bereft limbo.
What’s time got to do with it?
Life expectancy for males in Ireland post Covid is almost 83 years, higher than the EU average of 81.5 years. This means all going well I could have another 19 years or so left in me. If this was the case (and since my dad lived until he was 91 there’s a reasonably good chance), despite the fact that three quarters of my life would already be behind me, those 19 years would seem longer because almost all of that time is mine now and doesn’t need to be shared with work and parenting commitments.
Where I felt a sense of success in my career and even in my parenting role (since my kids all turned out to be well balanced, educated, and successful family focused adults despite all my efforts to get in their way), I can’t say the same about my current situation. I struggle with a life where the day-to-day chores are no longer essential distractions but may in fact be the highlight of each day. Despite making some effort to refocus and plan more engaging activities that have potential for growth and enjoyment, the lack of purpose a career and being a parent normally provide can make these efforts ring hollow – especially when my inner critic starts making comparisons.
Of course, my analytical side which stood me in good stead when I was in employment, most of the time still manages to quieten that nay saying attempt at personal mental sabotage. It was especially useful lately when it pointed out I had decades to plan and execute my career plans, and not a couple of disastrous years during a pandemic to plan, and an obstacle ridden few years to manage my post-career world.
When I Was Young
Like most people, when I was young, I had a fairly standard view of what retired life should and hopefully would look like. Late mornings after a lie-in, no demands on my time from bosses or other staff members, irregular calls for assistance from grownup children, lots of time for socialising with friends, and plenty of time and funds for travel.
Here’s how they’ve panned out so far –
- You have to be very careful about lie-ins becoming later and later (I have assistance with this because my canine companion calls me every morning between 8am and 8.30am without fail) and not because of how it wastes your day or affects your sleep patterns, but because it can lead to lethargy and eventually depression
- Demand on your time is linked to purpose and so the absence can indicate a lack of purpose
- I have even less than irregular requests for assistance from the kids, being nearly 300km away, coupled with them being well developed and self-sufficient, likely has an impact on that
- I have no friends left. Mostly through a combination of choice, a career that I let take over my social life, moving 300km from where I grew up and lived for 60 years, and a natural tendency towards introversion
- Funds are not an issue thankfully, but there is another obstacle to travel that I’ve discussed elsewhere.
The lesson to be learned here is of course for when you’re young to remember to manage your expectations to consider more than just financial needs when you finally retire, but to include a plan for a revised purpose and strong social connections. I haven’t even mentioned the health-related obstacles that seem to just lie in wait until you blow out the candles on your 60th birthday cake.
Outlook
Undoubtedly managing to maintain a positive outlook plays a major role in not just whether or not you simply survive retirement but thrive on it. I must admit I’ve never been a glass half full person – I blame that on thriving on problem solving skills that used to be valuable to me in my job – and so I continually have to seek ways of motivating myself to add something into my life to keep moving forward. If I was to be so grand as to call it reinventing myself, I’d have done it more times than Madonna.
I think the key at this stage is not looking too far forward and rarely bothering to look backwards. I plan for the coming month and really only pay attention to the coming week. It’s helping so far but seriously reduces the benefits of looking forward to anything of significance. Eventually I hope to be able to spend more time simply enjoying the present and seeing the future as a bonus – work will be required here though.
Back up on the horse
That sarcastic inner voice I mentioned appears to have begun to sound just a fraction less aggressive and is obviously trying to respond to the attempt at growth I’ve been working on. It can even at times help correct an emotional reaction to some setback by reminding me that the obstacle is most likely temporary and the emotion I’m about to give priority to is a choice.
The key so far is never to see just acknowledging the downside as a failure and getting back up onto the horse.
