THE BLING RING

TITLE:  The Bling Ring

DIRECTOR: Sofia Coppola

STARRING: Katie Chang, Israel Broussard, Emma Watson

BLURB: Inspired by actual events, a group of fame-obsessed teenagers use the internet to track celebrities’ whereabouts in order to rob their homes.

RATING:  2 out of 10

I’ll keep this short because the movie The Bling Ring has stolen enough of my life and I don’t want to contribute any more precious time to it than I absolutely have to. Based on a true story usually means there’s enough substance to keep you interested but in this case even that failed. The story follows a number of spoiled Hollywood brats who discover that Hollywood celebrities are quite a dull crowd and can’t even lock their doors when they’re away, never mind have a house alarm installed (Orlando Bloom being the exception but he is a Brit after all).

After numerous scenes where the offending teenagers (and I use that word in all of its interpretations) drink, take drugs, go to a nightclub and burgle celebrity pads – on a loop – the story fizzles out within 5 minutes after they’re ultimately caught (oops SPOILER…or warning because I’m not sure which).

The Director, Sofia Copolla, mentioned in an interview that she didn’t want to glorify burglary but I can tell you she failed miserably. Even one of the young ‘stars’ of the movie said he thought it was kinda cool (sigh!). This movie is way up there with classics like Dude Who Stole My Car. The fact that they shot numerous scenes in Paris Hilton’s real home (she was one of the hapless victims) only served to reinforce the notion that this story had grave limitations and wasn’t big enough to carry a whole movie.

That’s time I’m never getting back and I recommend you avoid this pointless yawnfest and do something more useful with your time – like starting a navel fluff collection for example.